Thinking about you makes my tummy flip in ways I can never imagine, even after 10 years. I always ask myself why. It’s not like we’ve spent so many countless times together. All I have and hold precious about you were those few rare moments we shared, the small talks and the teasings, when we were 12.
Is it really so foolish of me to have you have these effects on me?
If I had any choice, I wouldn’t even give you the right to affect me like this. But it’s not much of a choice isn’t it?
It’s just that knee-jerk reaction, the “used-to-be” feeling I’ve taken care of & held on to for so many years, hidden & tucked away inside.
Just when I thought I’ve forgotten about you, you suddenly pop out, like you’re reminding me how wrong I was to think that I already have.
Since I saw you last week, after all these years, my mind has been subconsciously drifting on and off on thoughts about you.
It’s been years.
But my reflex and reaction towards you, my heart and body hadn’t seem to forget it yet.
I think I’ve been holed up in denial about thinking that I don’t care about you anymore.
We were never even together.
There was never an us.
The thing is I can’t even talk to anyone about you.
You acknowledged me.
But you never really looked at me.
Just like how it was before.
Will I ever get your attention?
I guess not.
But I’m used to it.
If you could just spare one look at me.
Just one look.
I guess not.
I guess I’m stuck inside, trapped inside.
Just like before, it’s you I always see.
But just like before, you never see me.
After all these years, I shall say this again.
Though I know it won’t ever reach you, just like before.
But yes, I think I still love you.
It’s when times like this I feel peaceful not talking to anyone or not checking out on anyone.
Ignorance is bliss..
But being invisible feels awful.